Woman with face looking down


I used to think that if I blame myself for something that I have done or someone else has done to me, then, it does not matter because I am the one who takes the heat. This pain that wells up within us, can be poisonous if we don’t act quickly. This pain can be heavy and screams for attention. Some of us may not know how to react when this pain expresses through us, they may come in the form of withdrawing, loss of appetite and severe guilt may end up with depression. We all know that; we may start seeking other substances that will help us lease these pains. Young people may go further by cutting themselves to release these pains, which we know this is only a temporal repair.

Carnes (2009)

We often think that it pays off for punishing ourselves for an offence or something we did not do right. This means we fail to forgive ourselves for what may have happened to us or someone we know.

If we have lost our loved ones and try to blame ourselves for it, by saying what if, life would have turned out differently, this is a lie, because we don’t know for sure how that situation would have turn out to be like. The reality is, we don’t really know, therefore, blaming ourselves, is irrelevant, since we are not sure. All the More So when our children run away from home, or husband/wife left us for another person, we typically think it was us who initiated it. The influences inside of us can be so forceful that we may fail to comprehend what is in front of us and agree to a lie, it is a lie because we don’t have valid evidence that these irrational thoughts are valid.

Albert Ellis said that if we are struggling with our irrational thoughts, we need to ask ourselves, is there any evidence for this belief, what is the worst that could happen if I let this belief go and what is going to be the best outcome if I did let this irrational belief go. Aaron T Beck (1976) said that, no matter what has happened to us, we will become what we are thinking in our thoughts, if we don’t like what we are experiencing right this moment, which is the by-product of our thoughts, then, we need to change the way we are thinking right now, this will influence our emotion and eventually our behaviour.

The consequences of believing a lie are quite a lot. We may start losing sleep, eating disorder, turn to work late, fail to parent, and so forth. The situation has already happened, there is nothing we can do about it, we need to move on. We cannot move on if we are still angry with ourselves. We need to forgive ourselves and view the situation from a different perspective. We need new glasses on which can come from our family, our close friends or professionals. I encourage today, talk to someone. Guilt is the dread of the past. you need to live the present by letting go of your past.